An Unfortunate Crush and My Sad Saga

So I’ve recently had a rather unfortunate crush… I know having a crush on some cute guy sounds painfully high school of me but what to do… I’m single and rather bored.

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I walk into this intense fitness class a few days back praying to every God there is that the cute instructor who works there is not the one taking what is known as the ‘weight loss batch’. Because let’s face it… I’m fat and I need to lose weight… desperately! (side note: I am trying very hard though and have had some success).

So back to my story.. I walk in and of course, because my luck is shit… the cute instructor who I happen to have a massive crush on is there. And he’s taking the class.

Now I’m not one of those chicks who looks very good when working out… I sweat like crazy, become red in the face and because of my size, I look like a whale.

So imagine my sense of desperation when I realised that for an entire hour I would have to engage in a high intensity workout in front of a guy I’m besotted with. And what a disaster it was!

About half an hour into the class, I gave up. I literally could not move my feet let alone care about what this guy thought of me. So I gave up. And of course, when I was leaving I absolutely refused to make eye contact with him and ran out of there as if someone had lit a fire under my ass.

The point of this story is that we all have unfortunate crushes. Crushes that we wish would work out but for some reason (such as my general whale-like appearance in my case). If only there was a way to screen these crushes.

So here’s my sad saga. If someone has a similarly embarrassing story, do tell!

Until next time,

Live long and prosper.

May the Force be with you

PS: My grand plan is to lose a ton of weight and go back for his class and then show off my new non whale like look!

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The life expectancy of a relationship

So of course, I’ve been meaning to write this down all day but as I’ve said before, I become particularly lazy on Fridays. It’s the one day in the week when I can stay in bed and do nothing. I aint wasting it!

Anyway, I’ve been thinking a lot about relationships and more importantly, friendships. I’ve had a lot of friends in my not so long life and I’ve learnt something from every friendship. For instance, I think it is completely possible for a guy and girl to be friends with NO romantic entanglements whatsoever.

But that’s not the point I was trying to make. So the other day I was hanging out with 2 of my friends from my post graduate class and we were talking about how it’s so weird that we’ve all become so close despite not having known each for that long. Like we haven’t even known each other for a year and yet, we’re the best support system for each other, be it in academics or our personal lives or any existential crisis any of us may be having.

And we know for a fact, that IF (I don’t think it’ll happen but you never know) we ever lose touch after our post-grad is done, if one day 5 years down the line if any of us calls the other randomly, the friendship will pick up right where we left off. Which is how it should be.
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And then I have also had friends who I have known all my life but don’t speak to for whatever petty reason they have.

The two extremes in my life made me wonder: does a friendship have a shelf life? I personally don’t believe it should or that it does for that matter. But I guess, you do grow out of some people as you go on with life. But that is no excuse for losing friendships.

And believe me, I know a thing or two about losing friends. It happens even though you don’t want it to. And you NEVER see it coming. Trust me on that too!

So what do you think? Does a friendship have a life expectancy? Should it? Have you ever faced a situation like mine where you don’t speak to someone who used to be your best friend once upon a time?

Let me know in the comments so I don’t feel like a complete fail.

Until next time,

Live long and prosper.

May the Force be with you!

Alleged Depression and Eating My Feelings

So in recent times, I’ve had a touch of depression. Or at least that’s what I think it is. It’s kind of hard to tell these days. Anyway, basically I’ve been super mopey and in that headspace where if someone says the wrong thing to me, I either cry or go on a murderous rampage, which is also not a good thing.

I really need to stop with the run-on sentences, but I digress. So yeah, I’ve been pretty down in the dumps about my life and everything else; how I feel completely lonely most days and sometimes all it takes is the wrong song to set me off.

Even now, as I write this, I’m listening to Raabta by Arijit Singh which was the song of MY relationship so naturally it brings back memories. But for a change, the memories aren’t making me sad today.

Back to my point, the depression and constant moping around. How did I deal with it? I ate my feelings. Duh.

People ugly cry, I ugly eat. For real.

Fortunately, no one besides my sister has ever had to witness one of my ‘ugly-eating-my-feelings’ sessions. Thank God for that.

Why do I ugly eat my feelings?

Because it’s better than the alternative; which is to actually deal with my shit and get my act together.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for it. But sometimes, you just need a break because you’re so tired. You need a pause. A moment to yourself, to just let go of your ‘public’ face and just be the mess that you truly are.

This might be applicable for guys, I’m not sure. But I know this sure as hell holds true for women. We binge eat or binge shop or binge drink or whatever. Anything that can help us block out the hurt and pain.

Anything to dull the senses and keep the mind busy.

I decided today that I won’t binge eat anymore, it might be time to move onto the alcohol… for now at least. Or maybe not, we’ll see.

Until next time

Live long and prosper

May the Force be with you.

PS: I do not advocate binge eating or drinking yourself into a stupor for anyone! I do it sometimes because I happen to be an extremely flawed person. Don’t use me as an example for such things.

Your Ex’s Next

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So I realise that I should probably not be blogging about this, but very recently I decided that I’m going to stop letting other people control what I do. Especially if that person happens to be my ex boyfriend. Or anyone’s ex boyfriend.

When I started writing this entry, all I could write was a direct description of what happened with me recently but I decided not to air my dirty laundry in public. So now I’m going to be slightly vague and make insinuations.

So what do you do when your ex finds someone to move onto before you do? Even though you were the one who decided to end things, it’s not easy. Just hearing that your ex has a girlfriend or boyfriend annoys the living shit out of you.

Every time you think about it, you feel like there’s a rock on your heart and that you can’t breathe. It feels like someone has punched you in the stomach and quite literally, your heart. Or maybe that’s just me.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not even implying that you still might have feelings for your ex. I’m sure you don’t. But just the very thought of them being with someone that isn’t you is difficult to wrap your head around.

It’s worse when serious relationships end. When two people talk about spending the rest of their lives together and plan for the same, the pain of seeing that person with someone else later becomes almost unbearable regardless of whether or not any feelings are still in the picture.

But you know what I hate the most; it’s when you break up with your partner and they tell you that they will probably never be able to love someone ever again. And I’m talking about people that say it seriously and not in the heat of the moment. Yeah, when those people move onto someone else just a short while after making this proclamation. That’s what I hate.

There is a special kind of place reserved in hell for people like that.

I have a belief that such assholes cannot change at a fundamental level. I realise that I might be acting slightly crazy but I have a good reason for it.

Anyway, I’m not sure if this was something that needed to be put out there, but you know what, I did it anyway. It was on my mind and I needed to vent it somewhere, so there!

Until next time

Live long and prosper

May the Force be with you!
(PS: Speaking of ex’s, mine absolutely hated science fiction with a passion despite knowing that his girlfriend aka me is a glorified nerd. Kids, stay away from douchebags like that!)

Good old fashioned stalking

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So I figured now would be the right time to address the very popular issue of stalking.

Everyone is a closeted stalker: men, women, everyone. If someone says they don’t stalk, they’re liars.

We all stalk people: our ex’s, old friends who we don’t speak to, our current partners’ ex’s and their current partners. Right from our next door neighbour to the distant relative of our best friend’s boyfriend; we stalk EVERYONE.

And generally, women are more of stalkers than men are. I can say this because I do the same thing. For instance, it is now 2:18 PM and instead of working (in all fairness, I’ve been working non-stop since 8 AM), I am stalking my ex on Facebook despite the fact that I am over him and have moved on. It’s this incessant need to know everything that is going on in his life even though it doesn’t affect me in any way whatsoever.

They say that a pissed off woman does better research than the FBI. I think that a woman in general does better research than the intelligence agencies of most countries.

Am I right? Does anyone agree or am I just waffling on?

I wish I knew the exact reason we women love to stalk but at this moment in time, I do not have the physical or mental capability of answering such a deep question. But I figured, why not throw the topic out there and see what responses I get; if I get any at all.

Until next time, so long.

Live long and prosper

May the Force be with you.

Trouble is a friend of mine… or is it loneliness?

I really think that the one thing I’m consistent at is being inconsistent.

For real, inconsistency seems to be a thing with me. This time I’m not going to talk about women. I’m going to ‘rant’ about people in general.

I have a theory that secretly everyone feels alone and lonely. They don’t show it to the world, but in their hearts they know that they’re lonely. People secretly crave for that one person who can make them feel better at the end of a horrible day. The people who are lucky enough to have found that someone should NEVER take them for granted.

Because being lonely is awful.

It sucks balls.
Featured imageThe true depth of loneliness can be understood on dark, cold nights when sleep is as evasive as a woman when asked about her age. On those nights, you just want someone to hold you. Or someone whose voice can make everything better. It’s not too much to ask for, right?

And it’s not necessary that that one person has to be a boyfriend or a girlfriend or a spouse. It can be a friend, a sister, a brother; whoever. But what matters is whether or not they stick around for the hard and lonely times.

Because I’ve noticed that usually, as a general rule of thumb, people are only around when it’s convenient for them. I have personally witnessed this, some friends talk to you only when they need help with something, or if they are ever in need of an ego boost.

But the minute you need that friend, they are nowhere to be found.

You can be either of these: the fair weather friend or the other crazy person who finds himself/herself alone at a time that support is needed the most.

If you are the former, you are a douche and you should just dismiss yourself right now.

But if you’re the latter, then you have my empathy. Not my sympathies because that would be condescending of me. So, you have my empathy and this blog if you ever need to talk, or vent.

Talking to a complete stranger can be therapeutic as well.

Wait, where was I?

Never mind. I’m pretty delirious today.

Until then, so long.

Live long and prosper.

May the Force be with you.

PS: I’m guessing that from tomorrow these updates won’t be daily since the weekend will be done and dusted and a distant memory and I’m going to have to face the real world again in the form of a work week!

Men, Movies and Misunderstandings

Two posts in one day is very unlike me because usually I’m a lazy asshole. But seeing as today is a Friday which means I have no work and I’m on a crazy ass diet which means I have nothing to eat as well, I find myself having a LOT of spare time on my hands.

Which is why since last night I’ve watched 6 movies: Dil Dhadakne Do, Finding Fanny, Humpty Sharma ki Dulhania, Ek Paheli Leela, the new Cinderella (side note: Richard Madden in tight white pants as Prince Kit is my new favorite memory) and Bombay Talkies. So a healthy mix of everything.

But the issue I wanted to address was the unrealistic portrayal of men and heroes in movies; especially Bollywood movies. So I’m Indian right? And I LOVE Hindi movies. They’re my staple. But the way the male characters in these movies are shown is just too much. They give girls like me rather unrealistic and false images about what the men in our lives should be like.

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What is it with these damn movies?? Why do they have do that to us? They hype up the romance so much that we start wishing for a Humpty or a Kabir or Sunny Gill or a Jack (Titanic) or a Noah (The Notebook… cue:tears!).

Every time I watch any of these sappy movies, Hindi or English it doesn’t matter, I get really sad. I mean I get all misty eyed and super moved by the love these men have for their leading ladies but then I also start feeling bad about my own lack of prospects. Like why can’t I find a guy who would do that for me?

And I know for a fact that this is the story with every girl or woman or whatever. I’m not the only crazy one. If you find yourself to be a victim of this misrepresentation of men by movies, then leave a comment below and let’s start a club. If you don’t, leave a comment anyway. I’d love to have a chat with you about this !

So now that the hunger is really starting to kick in, it’s best I take off for now.

Until next time,

Live long and prosper.

May the Force be with you!

Diets and overflowing emotions

Something really needs to be said about time management… which I happen to be horrible at sometimes. I can’t find the balance sometimes. It’s either only work or only sleep or only food. All three are equally important. Of course, I can’t forget my family that likes to remind me more often than not that I’m never really home anymore. Oh well!

Too many emotions flying around makes me loose track of time I guess. And considering I’m a girl, I have a lot of those at any given time of the day. Like I said, women just generally tend to have more ‘feels’ We feel an emotion for everything, be it an ex-boyfriend (rage and the desire to murder someone) or the latest episode of Game of Thrones (You know nothing, Jon Snow. Please don’t die! Kit Harington, please marry me!). And God forbid, if we are ever on a diet (which I am), then the emotions are
just all over the place.

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We have an emotion for every situation. And yes, even indifference is a strong emotion because trust me, we’re not indifferent about anything. We have an opinion about everything under the sun. Right from the going ons in our neighbours’ house to what the person we hate most is up to, we have an opinion on EVERYTHING!

And men need to learn to live with it. We’re not trying to be overbearing, it’s just who we are. And I agree that some women have control issues and have this maddening urge to control every aspect of their lives, but some of us are actually sane and don’t mind letting go of things once in a while.

Some of us are actually sane. I feel like I can’t stress on that enough. We are sane. For real. No trap there!

We also tend to lose our shit from time to time, but that happens with everyone. But for the most part, we are normal, rational people who will definitely listen to the voice of reason.

I think.

But remember, this only covers a small section of us. Not all women are like that. And while we may all want the same things, no two women are alike. Just like no two snowflakes are alike. So don’t go thinking that you’ve figured women out.

Now, I really don’t have a clue what I went on and on about, so it would be wise for me to stop right here.

Until then, so long.

Live long and prosper.

(Insert: Star Trek/Spock joke here)

PS: Yes, I’m a nerd. Deal with it.

This is a new blog and a fresh start in so many ways. It has come to my attention…well not really, because I’ve known for a while that people think (men mostly) that us females are crazy. And maybe we are, but at the same time, we’re not. It may be valid for some people to think that how can I, some random 22 year old girl comment about women everywhere. But see the thing is that it doesn’t matter which part of the world you live on, or how old you are, all women are same.
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All women want variations of the same things.

It is literally that simple. We are all the same. Manage to crack one and you know exactly what the rest of the herd wants. Okay, when I say herd, I don’t mean that we’re cattle, just that we like travelling in packs (insert: Harry Potter reference here).

This is just the start and I think the entries from now on will get a bit more personal when I figure out what exactly I’m trying to say. See, that’s one more piece of knowledge: we’re over thinkers.

We think so much that we end up giving ourselves a headache…or maybe that’s just me and some people I know. But the point is that most of us overthink. Personally, I think things to such an extent that the end result becomes something completely different from the thing I was thinking about in the first place.

Does that make any sense?

I don’t know.

That’s another thing. We feel things, but we’re not always sure why. So it’s safe to say that our emotions run a bit high. But personally, in our defence, I have seen grown men cry like little babies when their girlfriend breaks up with them. I have seen and heard boys my age literally weep at the words ‘I don’t think it’s working between us anymore’.

For real. This has happened, with me personally so I am NOT making this up.

Men confuse me. They do. They claim that they are simple but really they’re not. Because I understand simple normally but I still haven’t been able to figure boys out. They say something, they mean something and there’s an excuse ready for almost any and every situation.

Okay, this post isn’t supposed to be about the opposite sex. I’ll save that for a later date and maybe make an entire series about it. Part 1 through infinity. Even that might be less.

I really need to stop being bitchy.

Well, anyway I guess this is just what’s on my mind. Maybe there will be more tomorrow or the day after. I don’t know.

Let’s see where the tide of time takes us.

Until then, so long.

Live long and prosper.