So in recent times, I’ve had a touch of depression. Or at least that’s what I think it is. It’s kind of hard to tell these days. Anyway, basically I’ve been super mopey and in that headspace where if someone says the wrong thing to me, I either cry or go on a murderous rampage, which is also not a good thing.
I really need to stop with the run-on sentences, but I digress. So yeah, I’ve been pretty down in the dumps about my life and everything else; how I feel completely lonely most days and sometimes all it takes is the wrong song to set me off.
Even now, as I write this, I’m listening to Raabta by Arijit Singh which was the song of MY relationship so naturally it brings back memories. But for a change, the memories aren’t making me sad today.
Back to my point, the depression and constant moping around. How did I deal with it? I ate my feelings. Duh.
People ugly cry, I ugly eat. For real.
Fortunately, no one besides my sister has ever had to witness one of my ‘ugly-eating-my-feelings’ sessions. Thank God for that.
Why do I ugly eat my feelings?
Because it’s better than the alternative; which is to actually deal with my shit and get my act together.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for it. But sometimes, you just need a break because you’re so tired. You need a pause. A moment to yourself, to just let go of your ‘public’ face and just be the mess that you truly are.
This might be applicable for guys, I’m not sure. But I know this sure as hell holds true for women. We binge eat or binge shop or binge drink or whatever. Anything that can help us block out the hurt and pain.
Anything to dull the senses and keep the mind busy.
I decided today that I won’t binge eat anymore, it might be time to move onto the alcohol… for now at least. Or maybe not, we’ll see.
Until next time
Live long and prosper
May the Force be with you.
PS: I do not advocate binge eating or drinking yourself into a stupor for anyone! I do it sometimes because I happen to be an extremely flawed person. Don’t use me as an example for such things.